New Parents And Teens Child Parenting
Good Parents and Kids Parenting Tips
|
|
|
New Parents And Teens Child Parenting |
|
| ||||||
| ||||||
|
| ||||||
|
The baby sleep solution | Baby shower games | Secret to baby modeling success | Baby sign language | Planning baby showers | Baby boy names | | ||||||
|
You are free to use content from this page in your blog or website, in return for a link back to this page from that blog or website.
Parenting Your Teenager: The Teenager and the Gorilla
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a lot about the difference between controlling and managing teenagers. What's the difference........., and how do we do it in our family'" A: In the counseling and seminars that I do, I have found that many parents are confused about the difference between controlling and managing their teenagers. In my experience, there is not only a huge difference, it's "the difference that makes a difference" when it comes to successfully dealing with the teen years in a family. The control approach Taking a control approach in a family will typically breed resentment and rebellion in a teenager, and exasperation and angerthe part of the parents. While the control approach may get compliance, it also breeds an attitude of "I'll do what you say now, but I'm going to get you back someday." The managmement approach Coming from a management approach breeds respect and cooperation, as well as an attitude of "let's work together as a team." As I have said before, trying to control a teenager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla - it's only going to frustrate you and make the gorilla mad. Now in no way am I saying that teens should be allowed to do whatever they want. The difference between trying to control vs. manage a teenager is all in how you approach the situation. A management approach meets the following six criteria: 1) The parents are clearly in charge When I work with parents to take a management approach with teens, in no way am I suggesting that parents let kids do whatever they want. Quite the contrary, a key sign of a healthy and strong family is when the parents are clearly in charge. The key distinction comes down to the difference between an authoritarian style and an authoritative style on the part of the parents. An authoritarian style comes from a controlling approach, while an authoritative style comes from a management approach. A good example of an authoritarian style can be found in the movie The Great Santini. This family was ruled by the iron hand of the father, a military man, who tried to run his family like he ran his troops, complete with morning inspections. The best example I've been able to find of an authoritative style is The Huxtables of The Cosby Show. If you think back to the show or watch the re-runs, you will notice that in the Huxtable family, the parents are clearly in charge. At the same time, there is compassion and caring for all the family members. One strong indication of this is that while each child may not always get a vote, they almost always have a voice. 2) The teen, over time, learns and earns the ability to be more and more in charge of themselves Notice I said over time. This simply means that the parents give the kid enough rope, not to hang themselves, to coin a phrase, but to grow themselves. You don't hand someone who has had little or no responsibility a huge responsibility all at once. You give them a little bit, and then a little bit more, and so on and so on. 3) There is a clear map for continually building trust and responsibility In a management approach, there is no guessing on the part of parent or kid. Everyone knows how trust and responsibility are earned in the family. The rules are clear with little or no surprises. 4) The parents have a way to monitor the progress of the teen One way to do this is to simply measure trust on a scale from 1 to 10. In this way, the parents have a clear and objective way of monitoring the progress of their teenager. 5) There are clear consequences when the teen demonstrates that they cannot be in charge of themselves (just like in the real world) There is a proverb that goes something like this "raise up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it." What this implies is that at some point along the way, they are going to depart from it. It's simply part of the territory that kids are going to mess up. Before this happens, there needs to be a simple understanding about what will happen when the mess ups occur. 6) There is a clear map for how to earn back trust and responsibility Many parents tend to look at trust as an either or situation - either you trust them completely or not at all. Using a scale from one to ten not only gives parents a way to monitor progress, it can provide a map for how to earn trust back when it is damaged. Successfully steering a family through the teen years is one of the most difficult jobs a parent will ever face. Using the six point management approach can help parents to get their child's, and themselves, through the adolescent years with most of their sanity intact. Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Detox To Help Conception If you're having trouble conceiving your body may need a detox. How to Make a Time Capsule Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve a slice of history by creating a time capsule for your loved one? Your Job as a Role Model A certain educator was once asked at what point should a parent begin to prepare for child raising. Resilient, Confident kids - 10 Ways to Promote Resilience in children Do your children have a Mcchildhood? Do they experience the type of childhood that may satisfy them in the short-term as their immediate needs are met, but in the long-term, leaves them ill-equipped to deal with some of the curve balls that are thrown their way? Clean Slates and Fresh Starts Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts and new clothes. Pens, pencils and notebooks, the smell of a new box of crayons and a brand new book; it all speaks of such promise. Best Tips for Stress Free child Party Games When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit of organisation will go a long way. A good selection of child party games will keep the group interested and the party running smoothly. Always keep in mind that during the course of the day the weather may turn against you so be prepared to move the party (and games) indoors if necessary! Is Your child Learning Nothing' You send your child to school and the teachers teach them. If that is what you think, you could be way wrong ! While most teachers are good at presenting information to a class, learning happens ONLY if kids actually want to learn. Teachers may have little time for individual work, and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And in many schoolrooms today a majority of the class see learning as not cool, with kids trying hard to not learn ! You may think that the school will tell you if your child is not learning, but you will probably be way wrong there. School funding generally depends on the school saying how good they are at teaching children, so often they will say that all kids are doing fine even when many are learning nothing. You may think that school inspectors will ensure that kids are learning well, but NO their job is only to ensure that teachers are teaching well. So is your child learning nothing ' Well many parents today find out by setting their children their own school tests - as by using Math Sheets that come with the answers. It can be made an easy fun 5-minute daily game "let's play our 'my school test' game". Not only will you then know that your child is learning, but you should find that you showing a little regular interest in their learning will increase their learning motivation strongly. You can stick to maths sheets only, or can vary your mini-school-test to science or other subjects using questions from their schoolbooks. Just keep it brief so it does not become a chore for them. If you show a little regular interest in your child's learning then they will want to learn, and will not follow anti-learning classmates. Then when the school says that your child is doing fine, it will happen to actually be the truth! Parents Role in Helping with Car Wash Fundraisers As a parent you will be asked to assist with your children's car wash fundraiser activities. It is important that you take an active role in these endeavors. Car washing builds hard work ethic and teaches children the value of money. Please read below and see the advice that top car washing fundraising expert Lance Winslow gives to non-profit groups regarding the parent's roles and responsibilities in car wash fundraising. From Birth to Teen, Spirituality in children Until about the age of six, children do not generally have the aptitude to think in abstract terms. But they do have an imagination, and they do fantasize... it is just that they reduce or compare the fantasy to something real that they can comprehend. If they fantasize about a "universal mind" or a "universal being" or God then they usually conjure up an image that is real to them. I Dont Believe in ADHD O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison guard friends, "I don't believe that there is such a thing as ADD. It's only something made up from the drug companies to drug our children." They know because they read an article in a magazine, or saw a show on TV once. I guess they also believe in aliens in government, and that Elvis still lives somewhere in Oklahoma. Discipline Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes most parents feel uncomfortable. Some of those old disciplinary phrases such as 'spare the rod and spoil the child', 'teach them a lesson' or 'set children straight' are enough to send shivers up the spine of any reasonable-minded parent. Selecting A Quality Day Care Center Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care center to care for their child during the workday. We've listed important aspects of a daycare center's environment to evaluate when making your choice: Staff to child Ratio. This is the number of children each staff member is responsible for. Most states regulate the minimum number of staff to child ratio. This will vary based on your state and the ages of the children. An average guideline follows, but check with your state department for what to expect in your area. An infant room will have one to four or six staff to child ratio A young toddler room will have a one to six or eight staff to child ratio For 2s and 3s room, an eight to ten staff to child ratio is average children 4 and 5 years old average a one to ten staff to child ratio Diaper Changing. There should be a dedicated area for diaper changing, equipped with sanitary diaper pad covering, disposable gloves, wipes and diapers and a dedicated waste receptacle for waste that is emptied on a regular schedule. Sick Policy. Most daycare centers will require that a child sent home with a fever or after a bout of nausea or diarrhea be kept home for 24 hours. While it inconvenient for working parents, it is the safest practice to prevent contagious illnesses from spreading within a classroom. Some centers may have a separate infirmary and onsite nurse or share the operating costs with other centers in the area. Discipline, Biting and Dismissal Policies. Find out how the center handles discipline and what the process is for misbehavior that affects other children, such as biting or hitting. As if there is an escalation process, what the coaching and dismissal policies are. You will want to know both sides in the event your child is the aggressor or the victim. Feeding. Some centers serve prepared food and some have families bring lunches and provide morning and afternoon snacks. Find out if the daycare providers will heat up food in your child's lunches, if there is a refrigerator available, if they provide milk and filtered water for drinking and what kinds of snacks are served. Supervised Lunch and Snacktime. The center you choose should support your nutrition preferences and provide healthy options served in a clean, supervised environment. Staff should use the opportunity to teach manners and model good eating habits. Ask about the center's policy on sharing food at the lunch table if your child has allergies. Toilet Training. Some centers will help potty train your child, others require that the child be fully potty trained by a specific age. Your center should reinforce good bathroom habits, including wiping, flushing and thoroughly washing hands. Some centers also add brushing teeth to the regular routine. Napping. Most young children benefit from regularly scheduled nap times during the day. Most centers will have young toddlers take a nap in the morning and one in the afternoon. Older toddlers and preschool age children may have one name in the afternoon after lunch. Ask whether you are responsible for bringing bedding or if it is provided. In the latter case, your child should have his own dedicated linens that are laundered each week. Parent Visits. Parent visits should be welcomed throughout the day, whether announced or unannounced. There should be observation windows available for you to observe your child's day or you should be welcomed into your child's classroom. Schedule. Hours of operation often play a key role in whether a center is acceptable simply by default of being available when you need them to be. Some centers have two tuition schedules, one for standard daycare (i.e. 9am ' 4pm) and extended daycare (i.e. 7am ' 6pm). Ask what the late policy is, whether you will have to pay on pick-up, if that payment must be in cash, etc. Safety and Peace of Mind. Does the center have controlled access, with locked doors after the usual drop-off times? There should be a sign-in/sign-out process to account for each child. When you register, you should be asked to supply emergency contact information for yourself and partner, two people who can be contacted and take your child if either of you are not available. Some centers will also ask for an out-of-state emergency contact in the event of a regional emergency, like an earthquake. Emergency Plan. If your area is prone to natural disasters like flooding or earthquakes, ask about your center's emergency plan ' how they will notify parents, where their evacuation location is, if there is a lockdown procedure. Daily Status Reports. A daily status report will give you detailed information about your child's day, including feeding times, diaper changing information and activities during the day. This is especially important for infants and young toddlers. Classrooms. children love rooms that are bright, cheerful and full of visual stimulation created by creative artwork, children's projects and family pictures. Classroom curriculum. Each classroom should be equipped with age appropriate activities, equipment and toys to stimulate your child's development in fine/gross motor activities, sensory and cognitive skills, language development, number concepts, music and art. Bonuses and Special Touches Emailed Progress Reports and Photos. Many daycare centers are now emailing daily progress reports with information about activities and care routines like eating, napping and diapering to parents. Some centers also take photos of your child during the day and post them to an intranet you can access securely with a username and password. Extra Curricular Activities. On-site enrichment classes are usually an additional charge to the monthly tuition and can take place during regular school time or after school so parents can partake in the experiences with the child. Activities can include dance, gymnastics, martial arts, Spanish, basketball and computers. Scolding: One of Communications Tools of Last Resort (Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event) Summer Camp Care Packages Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks forward to it every year. I can't believe next summer will be her last opportunity to go to camp before she goes off to college. Eco-Parenting Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the rapidly rising demand for natural, environmentally friendly and ethically sound parenting products and highlights some of the concerns that have fuelled these demands. The B Word Former students would probably attest to the fact that few things tried my patience as much as did the statement, "This is boring!" As I reflect back on my many years in the classroom, I can't help but feel a tad bit sorry for the first kid who made the mistake of uttering those words each year. (It was rare to hear the phrase a second time because most kids vividly recalled my "sermon," and they didn't want to risk a repeat performance.) ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part three Dear Sir, 10 Tips for Making Daily Physical Activity Part of Your childs Life! Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles: How To Teach Your children Self-Reliance and Potential Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd highly recommend parents teach their children. Things To Teach Your Teenage Driver Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues in his or her life? Regardless of the communication problems, there are two issues you need to discuss with them: driving and insurance. The following are four things to teach your teenage driver.
|
| home | Parenting site map | Privacy policy |
| Copyright © 2011 parenting.babyinfocenter.com |
