New Parents And Teens Child Parenting
Good Parents and Kids Parenting Tips
|
|
|
New Parents And Teens Child Parenting |
|
| ||||||
| ||||||
|
| ||||||
|
The baby sleep solution | Baby shower games | Secret to baby modeling success | Baby sign language | Planning baby showers | Baby boy names | | ||||||
|
You are free to use content from this page in your blog or website, in return for a link back to this page from that blog or website.
Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving Parenting
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept her on a tight leash. They rarely considered her feelings about anything, showing a complete lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. If she came home five minutes late from school or from an activity, she was punished. Yelling and hitting were their favorite forms of punishment. Angie was a good girl. She did well in school and did what she was told, but was often sad and lonely and never felt important. When she married and had her own children, she knew that she didn't want to treat her children the way she had been treated. She wanted to consider their feelings and needs. She wanted them to feel valued and important. Angie was a very loving mother. She spent lots of time with her children, playing with them, listening to them, and giving them much affection and approval. However, because it was so vital to Angie that her children feel valued and important, she often put herself aside and gave in to their demands. Because Angie had never felt important, it was easy to put herself aside. She actually believed that her children's feelings and needs were more important than hers. As a result, Angie swung the other way from her own upbringing and became a permissive parent. The consequences for Angie of authoritarian parenting was that she didn't value herself. The results for her children of permissive parenting was that her children grew up with entitlement issues, thinking they were more important than others, and often not being caring and respectful toward others. Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting. Loving parenting is parenting that values both the parents' and the children's feelings and needs. Loving parents do not attempt to control their children ' other than in actual situations of health and safety - nor do they allow their children to control them. They do not violate their children with anger, blame, or hitting, nor do they allow their children to violate them. They do not expect their children to give themselves for others, nor do they give themselves up for their children. Loving parents are parents who deeply value themselves enough to not worry about being rejected by their children. They are willing to set solid limits on unacceptable behavior and are not available to being manipulated by their children. Their identities are not tied into their children's performance in school or in other activities, such as sports. Nor are their identities tied up in how their children look. They are accepting of who their children are as individuals, even when their children are very different from them. They do not impose their way of being onto their children, yet at the same time they solidly reinforce a value system that includes honesty, integrity, caring, compassion, kindness and empathy. As much as we want to be loving parents, unless we have done our own inner work to heal our own deep fears of rejection and domination, we will automatically be acting out of these fears without being consciously aware of it. If you grew up with fears of rejection and/or domination, you will automatically protect against these fears in your relationships with your children. You may find yourself trying to control them out of a fear of being controlled or rejected by them. You might be controlling with your anger or with your giving in and giving yourself up. Fears of rejection can manifest with children through trying to control them with anger, or through trying to control their love through giving yourself up to them. Fears of domination can manifest through controlling them with anger or violence to avoid being controlled by them. Insecurities can manifest through attempting to get your children to perform in the way you want in order to define your worth. In one way or another, whatever is unhealed within you will surface in your behavior with your children. Raising healthy children means first healing the wounded child within you ' the part of you that has your fears and insecurities, and your desire to protect against rejection and domination. Our society has swung back and forth between authoritarian and permissive parenting and the result of both is far less than desirable. We have only to look at the number of people taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, as well as the number of alcoholics and drug addicts, as well as the rise of crime and the number of people in prisons, to know that neither method works to raise healthy individuals. Perhaps it is time to accept that we need to be in the process of healing ourselves before becoming parents. About The Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You'" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Unique Baby Names What's in a name? Er'well, everything, really! Of course your little bundle of joy is the sweetest, most beautiful thing you have ever seen and you want to choose a name that reflects his/her individuality, spirituality, uniqueness and all-round special-ness. Public-school Teachers Know Best - They Send Their kids To Private Schools A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found that nationwide, public-school teachers are almost twice as likely as other parents to send their children to a private school. The study also found that more than one in five public-school teachers send their kids to private schools. A Call For Fathers Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things in your life. A recent University study found that the average father in America spends less than sixty seconds per day in conversations with his children! Parenting Your Teenager: The 4 Ds of Time with Family How would you like to have more time? Of course we all want more time. There are just two problems: 1. We can't add more hours to the day; 2. Even if we could add more hours, we would just fill them up with the same stress we have now. Top 50 Father Quotations How To Potty Train In Two Days Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you will find dozens of books on the subject. Search the Net and there are thousands of websites with information on how to do it stress free. There are even people who are capitalizing on a parent's frustration with potty training by offering to do it for you, for a hefty sum! I honestly can't imagine anything more unseemly than paying someone to teach my child to "go". Im a Mom, Shes a Mom: Being an Adult with Your Parents On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson, my three-year-old son, my mother ignores the available front seat of the car, crowds into the back next to the car seat and promptly unwraps a lollipop. Feeling the tension rising, I recall the numerous conversations where I so proudly tell my mother how I keep sugar away from my son. "Mom, what are you doing? Haven't you heard a word I said'" And so it starts. The struggle of being an adult with my parent. Signs of child Sexual Abuse Many families do not want to believe their child is being sexually abused even if the signs of child sexual abuse are staring them straight in the face. Unfortunately many families are in a similar situation where both parents are working full time and someone other than the biological parents are caring for their children. Under these circumstances the potential for child sexual abuse is more prevalent. Obviously under these circumstances it is tremendously important for parents to watch for the signs of child sexual abuse. Some common signs of child sexual abuse are: * Sexually advanced for his or her age * Increase in masturbation, preoccupation with sex or promiscuous behavior * Frequent urinary track infections or irritation in the genital area Do Not Ignore The Signs of child Sexual Abuse Many families ignore the signs of child sexual abuse believing their child was safe because someone they knew always watched their children. Unfortunately, studies of child sexual abuse have shown that children were most often abused by people they knew. It is important that you take these signs of child sexual abuse seriously so you could stop any further abuse. Get Professional Help if Your child Exhibits the Signs of child Sexual Abuse If your child is exhibiting any or all of the signs of child sexual abuse take your child to your family doctor for a medical exam. You might also want to seek counseling with a professional who has experience with child sexual abuse. Both the medical doctor and the psychological professional should be able to determine definitively whether anything sexually inappropriate has occurred. Many children who exhibit the signs of child sexual abuse feel like they have done something wrong. Support your child and reassure them that they were the innocent victims. By taking the signs of child sexual abuse seriously and with your support and encouragement, your child will eventually emotionally heal from this abuse. Your child will also learn how much you trust and support them. First Year With Twins - A Father's Point Of View People always ask my wife and I: "How did you ever do it with two babies? I just can't imagine it". My answer is always the same'we just do. We just do what needs to be done. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, it's stressful. But we find a way to get the things done that need to be done. That's really the key, is finding a way that works for you and your spouse. I've listed some things in this article that have worked for us, maybe you can use some of the same things to help you through the first year. Unschooling - the Benefits of Home Based Education Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it is important to provide the best opportunities available to my children. Through a process of home educating known as 'unschooling' and eclectic educational styles my children have opportunities that are unavailable through traditional means of education. I believe it is important to create leaders through individualized training and development. Your kids Career - Whose Choice' A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely, a strange thought occurred. You see, my eldest son helped me install a new kitchen. He was the expert handyman. Me? Well, I was the 'gofor'. "Dad, could you go for this'" "Dad, will you go for that . . ." Top Ten Ways to Teach Values to Your child's In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve of, how can you teach values to your child's? Here are ten ideas to help you: How to Talk to Your kids About Suicide: New Study Says it May Make Them Less Likely to Consider It! This year alone, 1,600 teenagers aged 15 to 19 will die from committing suicide. Suicide among child's, once a rarity, is now a growing concern in America, and it appears that one of the best ways to keep your kids from doing it is to be a nosy parent. How Much Water are You Wasting' Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider yourself an environmentally conscious person? Well, how do you wash your car? Do you do it in your driveway? If you wash your car in your driveway with a garden hose and shut-off nozzle, you will use five gallons of water to fill your soap bucket to get suds. You will then wet down your car for two minutes or more, soap your car and then rinse the car for four minutes or more. If the garden hose has 60 PSI of pressure or more it puts out a minimum of ten gallons of water per minute (GPM). The total amount of water usage is as follows: The Secret To Keeping kids Interested on Family Vacations Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do you keep kids interested and busy during the down times? Have them keep journals of the trips and their impressions. Late Night Adventures with Your children Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are "simply marvelous". If you really want to shine in your child's eyes on a more regular basis-- try some late night adventures with them. How Can I Teach My child To Be Responsible' Most of us when asked what we want our children to become, we include "responsible" among other things such as happy, fulfilled and caring. We want our children to learn to make wise choices, be responsible for their actions and live responsibly. 7 Easy Ideas for Organizing kids Artwork In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint and build. These activities can certainly stimulate children, and help them grow. 10 Tips for Making Daily Physical Activity Part of Your childs Life! Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles: A Night Out For Mom & Dad Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family member?
|
| home | Parenting site map | Privacy policy |
| Copyright © 2011 parenting.babyinfocenter.com |
